Topps: The Pilot Episode.

(The scene, the boardroom. Jason and Randy are about to preside over their first board meeting as joint-CEOs of Topps.)

Jason: The first meeting of the Topps Board of Directors is now in session. Randy, do you want to....

Randy: ... take the roll? Sure thing little brother. Let me get out the sheet here and call everyone's....

Jason: ... names?

Randy: ... ummm, yeah. Mr. Eisner?

Michael: Here.

Randy: Mr. Berger?

Sy: Here.

Randy: Mr. Olbermann?

Keith: Present.

Randy: Mr. Ginter

Allen: Here.

Randy: And finally..., hey, ummm, Jason?

Jason: Yeah, Randy.

Randy: Who's this guy? (pointing to name on roster list)

Jason: Oh, that's the new guy. Louie!

Announcer: And now...Louie! The guy who comes in and says his catch phrase over and over again.

Louie: HEY EVERYBODY!


All: LOUIE!!!

Louie: Who's got something for me?

Sy: I do.

Louie: What is it?

Sy: A waxbox of 2008 Topps Co-Signers.

Louie: Topps Co-Signers?

Hey, I wanna dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Louie: Hey Olby, what you got there?

Keith: It's a 1977 Reggie Jackson Proof, what do you want with it?

Louie: What do I want with it?
I wanna dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Sy: Very infectious and amusing, this Louie character.

Louie: Who's got some Topps Finest?

Allen: I do!

Louie:
I would like to dip my balls in it!

All: YAY11!

Randy: How about some 1995 Topps D3 singles?

Louie:
I would like to dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Sy: Hey Louie... A Kazuo Uzuki gimmick card?

Louie: Aw hell, who gives a damn!
I wanna dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Allen: A dozen Topps Heritage short-prints?

Louie:
I wanna put 'em in top-loaders!

All: YAY-awwwwww

Louie?

Louie: You've heard it all before!

Allen: No we haven't.

Louie: You've heard it all before.

Jason and Randy: No! We haven't.

Louie: You've heard it all before!

All: Oh no we haven't!

Louie: I'm sorry, I can't say it.

All: (gradually increasing in volume) Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie!

Louie: HEY! EVERYBODY!!!!

All:
I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT!